Dear My Younger Self

Well hello there, Young Selina. This is your future self. Right now, you’re 25 years old (8 days shy of 26) and about to move into an apartment with your boyfriend. That’s right! You have a boyfriend! And guess what!? He doesn’t suck!! You guys watch wrestling, and The Big Bang Theory, and That ‘70s Show together and you eventually you will even get him to start quoting Lord of the Rings! And you become a Librarian and work for the New York Islanders eventually!! So really, buck up, chum! It gets better, I promise! But here’s some knowledge and advice for you and your young silly self in the meantime:

Everything will be okay

First off, may I just say that everything is going to be okay. You need to remember this. I know it’s hard to tell yourself when everything is looking horrible, but everything will turn out okay. You will be happy and get more confidence. I know, I know, I was shocked about it too. Try to stay positive and don’t be so negative about your appearance and body. You need to learn to love your body because it’s the only one you have and it is so much stronger and more awesome than you ever even realize. Your body will go through hell in the future, so please be nice and go easy on it now.

Go to the doctor!

Selina, Selina, Selina. What am I going to do with you? Please stop being silly. Please, go to the doctor. Please get your body checked. Please. You know something is wrong. You feel it. Go to the doctor. Please don’t hold off. It seriously just makes everything worse and more difficult in the long run. I will say this one last time: GO TO THE DOCTOR IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!

Food is your friend and not your enemy

3rd grade. 3rd grade is when you start developing your weird relationship with food. 3rd grade. Please don’t do this to your body. Please don’t starve yourself. Please don’t binge and purge. Please understand that there’s a healthy way to lose weight and what you’re doing is not it. You also have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Are you aware of this yet? PCOS also makes it even more difficult for you to lose weight so PLEASE, get help. Eating disorders are something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Please remember that food is your friend and not your enemy. You aren’t doing anything wrong just by eating. Please understand that.

Do not be ashamed of your scars

You have a chronic illness that first starts showing in high school. This illness will consume you at some points and it will be difficult and quite painful. It takes you awhile to find out what it is, so let me drop you some knowledge right now. It’s called Hidradenitis Suppurativa and you will get 3 surgeries because of it. You can’t control this disease. This disease is not your fault. You were born with this disease. The PCOS also impacts it and makes it worse. This is not your fault. You need to remember this when you are scared to wear certain shirts because of your scars. You need to remember this when you get asked if you have cancer when a woman sees your scars. You need to remember this when people think your gauze is there because you have sweaty armpits.

Show your scars. Let the world know about Hidradenitis and what you’ve gone through. Your scars are the history of your life and don’t be scared to show them. Your body is so strong for what it has to go through and don’t beat yourself up because you don’t look like the celebrities you idolize.

You will be happy. You will be loved by the people around you. Please don’t lose hope and please don’t get so down.

Love,
Selina

Listening to:

• The Reason I Live by Rizzle Kicks
• Pack Up by Eliza Doolittle
• All These Things That I've Done by The Killers
• Everything is Alright by Motion City Soundtrack