The Talk: Disclosing HS in Relationships
Last updated: May 2023
Talking about our condition can be embarrassing and often we avoid it like the bubonic plague. Often I wonder when the right time is to bring up the fact I have hidradenitis suppurativa. I think it’s a little premature when a guy first asks you out to be like... umm sir, FYI, I have hidradenitis suppurativa, it’s a skin disease.
Of course, you will have to dive deeper because no one knows what you’re talking about.
It can be easy to say nothing
However, it can become all too easy to say nothing, but the next thing you know, you’re in a relationship and it’s about that time and now you’re mortified because you haven’t mentioned your little secret. I know I’m not the only one who has been down the road to disclose or not and when is the correct time.
I have had hidradenitis suppurativa for almost over 21 years and have never told a guy about my condition. They have either found out about it through my social media or to this day never knew. I usually forbid anyone new from following me on my TikTok because of all the content surrounding my conditions.
I din't want him to follow me, but he did anyway
Story time: I was talking to this guy, and it was going well. He was nice and he wanted to follow my TikTok because he knew I made social media content. But over and over I refused because I’m the most vulnerable on TikTok. We had only been talking for a month, less than a full month, and had gone on one date. I didn’t feel like we were at the point that I needed to bring up my little secret since I wasn’t planning on sleeping with him, but he found me.
I think he found me with my phone number or something. He would text me about some of my content. Calling laughing about the stories I told. I posted a video showing my scars and talking about the tunnels. He watched the video and no calls of laughter or text. I never heard from him again and he stopped following me.
"I want someone to know me before they judge me on something I can’t control"
I started to think maybe I could have avoided this outcome by telling him earlier. Then I got irritated, and thought you know what? He’s not the one if he can’t handle me at my worst. I want someone to know me before they judge me on something I can’t control. Am I wrong?
I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to date me. This condition is a lot and let’s be honest, it can be gross at times. Most people say dealbreakers are people with bad hygiene and while I know we don’t have bad hygiene, it could be splitting hair for some people.
Starting a new relationship
I am in a new relationship, and of course I didn’t tell him about my skin disease either. I guess I didn’t learn my lesson. He also started watching my TikTok’s and discovered I have HS. He called and said baby what’s hidradenitis? And we talked about the condition.
I still haven’t shown him in person up close and personal my scars, but he keeps updated on TikTok where I feel I can truly be myself.
When you need to vent about HS, who do you turn to first?
Join the conversation