Combatting Loneliness for Better Health

• Japan established a new task force on loneliness and social isolation in 2021.¹
• More than 40 percent of Sweden’s populace lives lives of solitude. To counter the effects of too many single homes, the government has sponsored several collective housing complexes to bring more people together.²
• Even before the pandemic struck, The Joe Cox Commission on Loneliness was established to investigate ways to reduce loneliness in the United Kingdom.³

Loneliness can make chronic pain worse

Each person's experience of loneliness can be varied and individual-specific. For some, moving to a new area or country might trigger a difficult emotional response and, for others, experiencing a bereavement might negatively impact mental health. Sometimes, a lack of self-confidence makes it difficult for people to engage in activities involving others. On all accounts, loneliness can be painful to manage. Several studies have also shown that loneliness is linked to worsening of chronic pain in patients. People who suffer from chronic illnesses often experience social isolation.⁴ This vicious cycle can leave a devastating footprint on our immune system function and longevity.

My world revolved around hidradenitis suppurativa

When I was first diagnosed with hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), I didn’t realize the extent to which it could impact mental and emotional well-being. Painful, recurrent boils, draining of puss and blood, would appear in areas of the body with sweat glands. Anger, embarrassment, low moods and irritability crept into the orbitofrontal cortex of my brain, but I managed to wriggle out of it every time. Though challenging, I learned to deal with the uncertainty of this disease and I adopted strategies to overcome physical limitations. Bandage dressings, surgeries, detox diets, antibiotics, acupuncture and ayurveda all became part of my yearly plan of action.

I oftened ranted about symptoms and treatments

This surely threw life out of gear, making it onerous to gain ground in other spheres of life, though it's not like I had ever felt sufficiently connected with people. Most of my interactions had been with doctors, nurses, caregivers, and fellow HS patients, and my conversations primarily revolved around gut health, nutrition, pain management, wound and skin care routines, fitness and so on. Perhaps, I had forgotten what it felt like to share the silliest of secrets, talk about musical dreams, babble about cherished memories and hilarious episodes of bygone days.

All I did was incessantly rant about my illness and the various health fads that were gaining popularity around the globe. Sometimes, the mental pause had been so prolonged that I was unable to hold a conversation with anyone. I constantly felt judged and misunderstood about everything I vocalized. This felt strange as I have always shared intimate connections with people. I would seldom feel lost or ignored amongst a sea of new faces. But people found it difficult to understand this new version of me. My interactions with acquaintances had become a withering experience and this made me feel emotionally numb.

Social strategies that work for me

Humans are born with the congenital capacity for forming social connections. Some are naturally more adept at navigating their way into the social world while others interpret social situations in a self-defeating way. We yearn to be loved, defended, and valued and often want the same sincerity and altruism from the other end of the spectrum. As psychologist Ty Tashiro notes, the mind is fine-tuned to pick up on social expectations and then assess where we are meeting them.⁵ These tiny deviations from what is socially expected in situations are sure to cause awkward moments.

I still struggle to start, hold, and end conversations smoothly. The logistical and emotional challenges of acquiring new friends or maintaining old bonds continue to be difficult. Casual interactions with acquaintances at the surface level are not fulfilling and this disconnect is dispiriting. I don’t intend on becoming a pro at striking up conversations, but a few tips have helped me keep those awkward silences at bay.

• Pay attention to the flow of the conversation and provide ample opportunity for the person/people around you to speak.
• Know that it is okay to take time to convey your point of view, but avoid repeating yourself or using fillers to complete the sentence.
• Develop the art of curiosity in varied topics.
• Forgive yourself for those embarrassing moments.
• Keep a positive attitude. It will yield positive results.