Medically Misgendered: Fighting For Appropriate Care As A Non-Binary Person

I am non-binary and I use the pronouns she/they. For me, this means I do not subscribe to any gender. I sometimes present as 'feminine' and sometimes as 'masculine', sometimes as a wonderful blend of both, and sometimes as neither. I continue to use the pronoun 'she' because I enjoy presenting as a femme, but I am NOT a woman. I am very blessed to have family and friends that support me without question and a family doctor who always uses inclusive language when talking to me and about me. The problem is, other doctors who have not met me before or medical professionals I run into only once such as the nurse performing a COVID test or an emergency room doctor see me and just assume I identify as a woman.

Some of you might wonder why this is a problem. If I don’t subscribe to any gender and use the pronoun 'she', why does being referred to as a woman bother me so much? Does it really make that much of a difference in the medical care I receive?

The answer is a big, resounding YES. It ABSOLUTELY matters.

My gender expression is a huge part of my identity

Firstly, my gender expression is a huge part of my identity. It is an important part of who I am and how I see myself, and to have it questioned or ignored can be painful and emotionally jarring. Consider this: if you told someone you were a woman and loved your femininity, would it not bother you to have someone insist you were a man and just did not know any better? If you are straight and someone insisted you were gay, or vice versa, and told everyone that you were wrong and demanded to be allowed to refer to you as queer, wouldn’t that bother you to some extent? I can assure you that it would.

Secondly, being misgendered changes the type of care I receive for a variety of reasons. When I have to correct someone, I am immediately labeled as a difficult patient for not just 'going with the flow'. Especially in an emergency room setting, doctors often want you in and out without having to spend any extra time getting to know you as a patient, and my correction forces them to do just that. I have had more than one medical professional scoff at me and say, “Does it really matter?!” and that is heart-wrenching. Of COURSE who I am as a person matters because I deserve that respect. We all do. If you were to insist that the doctor treating you was 'just a nurse' you can bet they would get up in arms about it! (On that note shout out to all nurses. Not one of you is 'just a nurse'. I would rather have a nurse than a doctor place an IV any day. You are just as important as doctors, if not more so, and I hope you start to get the recognition you truly deserve especially after this pandemic!)

Being misgendered leads people to making assumptions

Being misgendered also frequently leads people to make assumptions, such as that I want to have children. I cannot tell you how many times a treatment has been taking off the table because “It could affect your ability to reproduce” even though it is a viable treatment option for me otherwise, and no matter how much I insist that children are not in my future. Doctors (especially older men) will patronizingly smile and tell me “You’re a young girl, your mind will change once you are older!” My HS is greatly affected by my hormones and I also have PCOS, so I have been pleading with my medical team to consider doing something to stop or greatly reduce my periods, but I am constantly hitting the wall of “BuT YoU WoN't Be AbLe tO HaVe BaBiEs!!!!!!!!” and it is infuriating.

Times are changing and things are slowly getting better, but the fight is long from over to be recognized as a non-binary person in the medical field. This changes access to care and creates problematic assumptions for anyone who does not subscribe to the gender norm. Stay strong, advocate for yourself no matter how annoyed people may get, and remember that you aren’t alone. I’m standing right beside you and supporting you the whole way through.