Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
Last updated: May 2023
Let’s be honest, starting a relationship with hidradenitis suppurativa can be hard, but having sex with hidradenitis suppurativa can be painful and embarrassing.
Once the overthinking starts, there's no end!
Let’s set the stage, it's sexy time and you’re both ready to go! Then your partner touches your spot. NO no, not that spot the other one... the one with bumps that can get infected. The thought pops in your head... is this even safe or hygienic? What if he applies pressure and what if the pockets of pus and blood under my skin POP! There will be BLOOD, oh gosh, that is disgusting.
I flashback to the smell when they break open. Now that the overthinking has started, there is no end to it! The scars, they’re everywhere. Nope, the mood is gone, and I now must go home.
The dreaded question...
Flash forward, it’s Monday afternoon and I have a break at work, so I decided to plan out my date with my potential new boo. This will be our third date and I’m excited to plan something great! We met on one of the million new dating apps (eye roll) and I’ve decided if I can't get over the third date hump, I will through away the heels, buy a cat, and die alone.
I decided I would pack a cute basket full of finger foods and we would play 21 questions. It’s best to be intrusive without seeming intrusive. We’re in the middle of the game and the most dreaded question pops up... when was the last time you had sex? My breathing becomes slightly shallow and sweet builds on my brow. This is the line of questioning that always ends the date. I advise I have never had sex. The date ended not that much later.
Reverting back to my 11 year old self
I think the 3rd date is usually when we determine if our differences in that department would be a deal breaker for both of us. I am an over-thinker beyond normal over-thinkers haha. I couldn’t imagine someone seeing me with no clothes on and seeing the scars, bumps, and the open wounds that will NEVER heal.
I go back to that little girl who was picked on for her smell. I have PTSD from the girls locker room in middle school, when I was changing my clothes and my underarms were seen with stage 3 HS. The looks, whispers, and distant snickering made me resolve to never show my body again. I always revert to that shell of an 11-year-old.
I don't have to live a life alone
I couldn’t see how someone could truly love me and be attracted to someone like me. I attended a HS conference and met some wonderful ladies who showed me I could be loved. They met partners who helped them deal with their flare-ups and told me how they embrace the helper role to ensure they get through the pain. They both married wonderful partners. I talked to another lady at the conference, and she advise she never has problems in that area and how she handles sexy time.
I realized I don’t have to live life alone and I can be loved. The right person for me will not only understand my hidradenitis suppurativa, but they will be motivated to help me heal. I have found that person for me. I don’t have to hide any part of me. I know relationships can be hard and we can often over think our HS, but you’re not alone and you don’t have to be.
I am Crystal Moore and I found love with HS.
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