Talking To My Partner About HS (Part 2)

In case you missed it, check out Part 1 of this series!

I felt myself starting to ramble on about some of the physical restraints HS has on the body and the effects that HS has had on my mental health. In a way, I think talking out loud about it helped me process some of the emotions that were coming up.

He still hadn’t said anything, so I started to unsuccessfully play off my HS as more of an annoyance than the debilitating disease that it can be. He seemed to see right through that and I wasn’t prepared for what he said next.

“Are you okay? How can I help?” he asked me.

Now, we’ve already established that I can get emotional. So you can imagine my surprise when I heard this.

His support was amazing

I didn’t know what else to say. I honestly hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. I was prepared to speak my piece and then leave the ball in his court. But to know from the beginning of our relationship that he was loving and supportive about everything was an amazing feeling.

But it was also a little uncomfortable because there were too many emotions running through me to carry on with the conversation at the time, so we left it at that. But over time, he went on to do his own research about HS, occasionally asking me about what he had read. He once told me that he felt helpless because he didn’t think there was anything he could do to help the pain when I was having bad flare-ups.

But everything from grabbing me an extra pillow to sleep better at night to waking up at 6 AM on his day off to take me to the hospital to have my HS surgery was more than enough. After my procedure, he spent the entire day caring for me and I almost felt like I didn’t deserve that. He was there, present with me every single day as I dealt with the ups and downs of HS. We were, and still are, a team in this.

Joining HS communities online

As I learned more about HS by joining HS communities and engaging with HS Warriors online, I learned that I wasn’t the only person who had a surprisingly positive experience in talking to my partner about my illness.

But I also understand that that may not always be the case. And there are a lot of people who may be empathetic about HS, but for whatever reason, aren’t equipped to handle dating someone with a painful chronic illness. And that’s okay too.

We should never be ashamed

More importantly, I learned that I (and you too, for that matter) should never be ashamed of being open about HS. Even if my partner hadn’t been receptive to my condition and responded negatively, that would have been a “him” problem, not a “me” problem. We go through so much navigating the very confusing and frustrating disease that is HS and the last thing we need to deal with are people around us who belittle or downplay our illnesses.

Was I terrified to have that conversation with my partner at the beginning of our relationship? Of course. But being open and vulnerable during that time helped me open up to other people in my life about my HS. And for that, I’m grateful.