anxious person holding a phone while on fire

I Called In Sick To Work

Well, I did the thing. You know the thing. The thing that makes me feel like a monster. The thing I hate doing. That’s right, I called in sick to work. I don’t know why it makes me feel so guilty. But seriously, I feel like a monster every single time. There hasn’t been one time that I’ve called in sick to work and I haven’t felt guilty about it. Maybe it’s because at my old job they would still make you come into work even if you didn’t feel well. I think that’s partially why.

A ticking time bomb

I kid you not. There was one time I was scheduled to work 10-6 and I tried to call in sick because I was throwing up and it hurt to move and when I called my job their reply was, “Well can you come in at 1 then?” So now I have the mentality that I should be working even if I don’t feel well and that just isn’t fair or right.

My groin is really flaring and I’m really bummed about it. It’s exactly at my underwear line, where my leg meets my abdomen and it hurts to walk and sit and move. I’m just bummed because I’ve been getting back on track with avoiding my triggers and I’m in a happy environment now, and I was hoping so badly that my flares would calm down for a while. However, I’m due for my period any second (seriously, it’s like a ticking time bomb) and that means oodles of fun with my hormones, feelings, and body. I can be so good with avoiding my triggers and I can be so happy and not filled with anxiety, but the second that time of the month comes, all hell breaks loose! It really can be so frustrating sometimes.

Putting my body first

So I’m flaring and I feel like absolute poop. Besides feeling the physical pain of the flare, I feel so tired and run down and I have horrible period cramps and I really just want to be curled up in a blanket 24/7 when I feel like this. I feel very grateful that I’m no longer at that job mentioned above and now am at two places that are very understanding towards me and my illness. I still can’t help but feel so guilty when calling out though and I guess that won’t ever change. I feel like I’m causing a huge inconvenience because now I won’t be there to cover my shift. Yesterday I texted my supervisor to apologize for calling out and being an inconvenience and her reply was that what I’m dealing with is far more inconvenient for me than having me call in sick is for them. It really made me feel so much better after she said that. Well, not flare-wise, but emotionally.

So here I am, home again. I still feel guilty for calling out sick but I really need to stop doing that to myself. I need to put my body first and not push myself when things get to be too much. It’s okay to call in sick and it’s okay that I’m flaring. I really need to keep reminding myself of this!

I’ve been trying to do Epsom salt baths to get the flare to go down or open. Preferably open so there’s more of a chance of it not coming back. I will keep you posted and thank you for reading my vent/rambling session. Have a nice day.

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